


191225

by URIKKIRIE



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Date, Christmas breakup, M/M, taegyu, what did i gain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:27:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21998971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/URIKKIRIE/pseuds/URIKKIRIE
Summary: Taehyun sets up a little Christmas date for Beomgyu, and maybe a little surprise at the end of it too.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 15
Kudos: 92





	191225

"They said it was gonna snow earlier this morning," Beomgyu talked to himself as he put on multiple layers of clothes, looking out the window. "It's 1 p.m. and it hasn't snowed yet." 

He wore one more extra shirt than what he would normally wear during winter, because something tells him that the night would bring with it a biting cold; a Christmas night colder than usual. This contradicts the sight outside though, because from his apartment window, the city is being smothered with thin rays of sun. Weak, but still looks a tiny bit warm. It pulls a smile on both corners of his pink lips.

Right after dressing up in warm clothes (still looking amazing though because come on, it's Christmas), his phone rings from where he left it on his desk and the screen brightly flashes an image of him and someone he holds dear in his heart. Or used to. He doesn't really know anymore.

"Yes, Taehyun?" he said as soon as he picked up the phone, his other hand fixing his hair to near perfection.

"Are you all set?" Taehyun asks, voice soft and kind and patient like how it always sounded whenever he spoke to Beomgyu. But it's missing something, Beomgyu cannot quite point exactly what it is because it's something that got lost along the way. All Beomgyu knows is that it doesn't sit right in his chest and they both know this. It feels incomplete in both of their chests.

"Yes I am, actually. Are you on your way?" Beomgyu finally tears his eyes away from his reflection after taking a final look on the mirror and grabbed his favorite white long coat, stuffing his necessities in the large pockets and finally heading out, leaving the warmth of his apartment.

"I'm already on your street, just wait for me at the door." Taehyun replies. "I'll see you, bye."

"Take care, Taehyun." Beomgyu says as he walks down the stairs.

"I will. Love you."

"Love you." Just like that. His heart didn't flutter or anything. He pockets his phone. Right when he opens the door and leaves the building, he sees Taehyun, scarf on his neck and hands in the pockets of his black long coat, only a few steps from him. Beomgyu closes the door behind him and decides to meet Taehyun in the middle. He smiles as soon as they're face to face.

"Handsome." he greets Taehyun, and Taehyun bursts into a teethy smile at this. 

"Why, thank you." he cheekily replies, and Beomgyu couldn't resist but to smack Taehyun's arm due to habit. "Hey, you're supposed to say it back."

He fakes pouts, but Taehyun only playfully rolled his eyes in response and grabbed the arm that Beomgyu used to hit him, linking it with his arm that Beomgyu hit.

"You're very pretty today." Taehyun's words left his mouth like healthy seeds, bloomed in Beomgyu's chest like red roses but at the same time they pierced his chest like thorns. It was a compliment that always makes him flutter but lately, it has also been making him...sad? He smiles sadly at the ground. 

With linked arms they walked; the way their bodies are pressed against each other will hide the fact that there is an unspoken distance in between them, and speaking of it would only widen it. So they don't mention it and talked about the little nothings.

***

Only on their third stop in this little Christmas date Taehyun set up did Beomgyu realize that they have been walking on a familiar itinerary. He put down his chopsticks and looked around the tteokbokki place, and then looked at a busy Taehyun whose mouth was full with tteok and odeng. He laughs.

"You took me here on our first date." Beomgyu says with an even wider smile that pushed his cheeks upwards.

"Yes? And I take you here all the time?" Taehyun says, confused, because they really have been eating a lot here, they have become a regular, even.

"No! I mean this whole date. This was the course we took on our first date. The arcade, this tteokbokki shop: I clearly remember." 

Of course Beomgyu does. How can he forget? After 2 years of seeing Taehyun as someone more than just a friend, he finally confessed to the younger in their school's dance practice room, when their classmates left and it was just the two of them. "Now that I think about it, you took me to school first earlier not because you wanted to fetch something from your locker, but because it all started there."

"And then right after classes ended that day we immediately went to the arcade. For our first date." Beomgyu adds.

Taehyun smiles fondly, finding it endearing how Beomgyu is so excited over this little nostalgic thing he arranged. "I honestly thought it's obvious especially right when we arrived at the arcade, but apparently you forgot."

"It's because we always head to the arcade as soon as classes end! I got so used to it so today I didn't think it was something special. But hey, I remember now, that's what matters." Beomgyu says with a boasting look on his face. Taehyun was going to tease him again because he finds it really cute when the older gets all defensive and rambly, but for now he lets him eat in peace.

***

Beomgyu definitely did not eat in peace. His mind was racing back and forth to their first date, heart racing at the memory of their firsts as a couple.

That day, after the confession, they agreed to meet at their usual place (which is the school gate) after classes, and they did, and they headed to the arcade in awkward silence, played games with an awkward atmosphere because they both did not know how to act. But then they got to properly talk at the tteokbokki shop, talked about all the bottled feelings, and they left the place with their fingers intertwined. That was the first time they held hands.

Beomgyu looked down at their currently intertwined fingers as they walked to their next destination and some sort of weak tingles invaded his stomach. Beomgyu will never get used to the feeling of Taehyun's warm hand in his. 

"We're heading to the Christmas fair, right?" Beomgyu asks, and he feels Taehyun swing their hands between them.

"How can you say so?" Taehyun asks.

"Well, after the tteokbokki place, we rode the train to Konkuk's festival, but since there's no festival in Konkuk right now then the Christmas fair near Jamsil is the closest to what we did." Beomgyu explains. Taehyun smiles and caresses the older's soft cheek with the back of his hand.

"Look at you, you've gotten smarter ever since you started dating me." he doesn't hesitate to tease and moves away from Beomgyu because the blonde would surely hit his arm and he did, only that his hand barely grazed Taehyun. "Are you saying I was dumb before?!"

"I said nothing like that!" they pause for a second with fake pouts on their lips and playful glares on their eyes, before suddenly bursting into laughter like some idiots, as how others see them, in the middle of the sidewalk.

The sounds of their laughters fill their hearts momentarily as they linked arms once again, but for some reason as the laughter dies down their chests feel empty again, like a barrel with unpatched holes. They fill it fast, but it empties fast either.

***

The sun has almost set; dark blue and orange colors fighting for dominance in the sky with the stars faintly shining as they rise. By the time they reach the Christmas fair Beomgyu remembers that this is the last stop of their mini-adventure. He sighs because this day was wonderful, and at the same time he sighs because there this uneasy feeling settling in his stomach. 

Taehyun made sure that they tried every single attraction in this fair, from the games where you shoot the bottles, which by the way earned him a squirrel plushie that he decided to give to Beomgyu, to the rides like the carousel which made them look out of place as those who were riding it were mostly kids.

"How about that one?" Taehyun points to the bumper cars, which squeezed an excited laugh from Beomgyu. "Oh, I'll destroy you in that one."

"Let me remind you that this is not the same as your dad's racing car." Taehyun retorts when they finally saw the end of the line and was granted entrance. 

"Whatever you say." and they start playing, ears ringing with kids screaming and laughs and metal crashing against each other and Christmas songs blasting through the speakers but on top of all of these, Beomgyu and Taehyun could only focus on each other's voices, and for the nth time that night an unexplainable warmth spreads throughout their chests.

(It brings a subtle unknown pain with it, but they both ignore it. They both leave it unacknowledged.)

A little exhausted, the couple is swimming in comfortable silence as they walked through crowd, sticks of cotton candy in one of their hands, the other holding each other. They walk at a relaxed pace, eyes darting everywhere.

"We should ride that one." Taehyun mentions and nods his head towards the brightly lit Ferris wheel. Beomgyu only smiles and nods as a reply and they start heading for the structure.

"I knew you'd say that." he finally replies when his mouth is empty of cotton candy. Earlier, he noticed that Taehyun has been avoiding the Ferris wheel, picking every single attraction around except it. "A very typical romantic move."

He knew that Taehyun was saving it for last, because his watch already says a quarter to midnight and it's time to go soon.

"You like it anyway."

It did not take long for them to enter a passenger pod, they did not have to stand in line for long anyway. They threw the cotton candy sticks before entering the small space, and they sat opposite to each other.

The wheel starts. 

"I had so much fun today." Beomgyu starts, eyes shifting from the view outside to Taehyun's eyes, but of course he lingers into Taehyun's eyes more because they shine brighter than the twinkling Christmas lights. "Thank you so much for this."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." Taehyun smiles and locks his eyes with Beomgyu's, giving him a look that Beomgyu cannot quite interpret. 

Or he prefers not to comprehend. It's a look Taehyun has never given him before, a look that whirls an uneasy feeling in his stomach because it's so unfamiliar to him.

The silence that enveloped them is nowhere near the comfortable one they had earlier. The tension between them is about as intense as the thousands of burning lights this Christmas, and both of them feels like if they do as much as move then they'll burn themselves down into ashes. But Taehyun braves this silence.

"Beomgyu," his breath hitches as soon as his name left the younger's mouth. The lack of honorifics would have irked Beomgyu on another day, but this time it felt so close, it feels so intimate that Beomgyu could do nothing but to prevent from swallowing a forming lump in his throat. Taehyun's voice shaky but one wouldn't have noticed it if they did not pay much attention. But Beomgyu is always paying attention. He's always keen at observing and taking in the tiniest details of Taehyun, afraid that if he did not keep these little information then he's missing a piece of him.

The pod is almost at the top.

Taehyun reached for Beomgyu's cheek. On a different day, maybe months ago, Beomgyu would've leaned more into Taehyun's hand, closed his eyes and engulfed himself into it's warmth, but it's December now and the air nowhere near warm, and Taehyun's touch despite it being soft feels like glass against his cheek, cold and fragile. It feels like it'll break soon. Beomgyu knows it'll break soon. So instead of leaning in he stays still, eyes still locked with Taehyun's and giving him back the unexplainable look he's receiving: uncertain and sad and painful.

They reach the top of the wheel.

"Why?" Beomgyu finally asks, voice just as shaky as Taehyun's. This is all he could say, Taehyun's eyes are already glistening with tears.

"I don't know either." There are so many questions in between them but they both don't have an answer, so for now they keep it to the back of their minds. Maybe on another day, when the air isn't so cold, when the silence doesn't feel like it's clutching both of them on their necks.

But then again, Beomgyu wonders if there would be another day like that, another day when they are fine, because right now the unspoken distance between them is becoming too wide to just ignore, and they feel miles and miles apart despite seeing each other face to face like this.

"Beomgyu, every moment we spent together, every secret we shared, every single star we named, you know that I keep them in my mind right?" Taehyun says, dropping his one hand to their laps and holding Beomgyu's hands in both of his.

"I know," Beomgyu sniffs and looks down at how Taehyun is rubbing circles on his knuckles. "Taehyun, I know."

"And I'm really glad that you decided to make the first move in the dance practice room that day, and I don't regret admitting that I feel the same." 

None of them notice that their pod is starting lower, nearing the end of the ride.

"Me too." Beomgyu mutters, using all the energy he has left to speak without sobbing.

"But the past few months have been rough to us, hyung." Taehyun exhales a breath that he did not even know he was holding. "All we did was argue over the most trivial things and throw words that we don't mean at each other. It's tiring."

"I'm tired too. And I'm sorry." Beomgyu shortly replies.

The thing is, none of them should be even saying sorry, because none of all of this is their fault. It's no one's fault. So questions start running through Beomgyu's mind again.

Why did this happen to us?

Why don't I love you anymore?

Why don't you love me anymore?

Why did we fall in love only to fall out of it in the end?

"It's…" Beomgyu hesitates for a second. "It was sad watching both of us fall out of it." he finally says.

"It really has to come to this, huh?" Taehyun lightly chuckles, the sound having a sad undertone to it. "I can't believe there would be a day that we can't keep each other happy anymore."

Beomgyu's mind lingers at this. He can't believe it either.

Their pod has reached the ground once again and they left it as quickly as possible, Taehyun assisting Beomgyu out of it before going through the barricades and out into the crowd again.

Still hand-in-hand, the two stop and face each other again, eyes filled with pain. The bittersweet kind.

They both know that they're still a little bit in love, because this thing between them used to be so strong and it's not easy to fall out of love with each other, but it just happened that they're not happy anymore and it'll eat both of them up like a disease if they don't end it. 

And Taehyun was strong enough to do it. Not only for his sake, but for Beomgyu as well.

"I- I don't think I can stay friends after this. For a short while, at least." Beomgyu avoids Taehyun's eyes at this, but Taehyun lifts Beomgyu's chin up so he can look straight at the older again because honestly, he understands. Beomgyu will need time for himself.

"I know, I understand." Taehyun still softly smiles, eyes glistening. "But I hope we can one day work back on it."

Beomgyu nods. "I hope so too."

"Yeah."

And they let go at the same time, it was unspoken but they both knew that they had to head home on different paths because if they keep staying together they might both change their minds. 

So, as slowly as possible, Beomgyu takes one or two steps back, before turning his back on Taehyun and walking a few more steps. He was right on wearing one more extra layer of shirt for tonight.

Beomgyu sniffs softly as he took a final look back at him, only to see him smiling like he always does, smiling like he's fine. But Beomgyu knows he isn't, they both aren't, not when there are tears in Taehyun's large eyes, his cheeks and lips reddening. 

They both know that breakups are supposed to be sad, but this one hurts more specifically despite it ending in good terms. It all started with them being friends and ends with them being near to strangers. Beomgyu finally turned his back on him; the image of a smiling teary-eyed Taehyun locked in his memory.

**Author's Note:**

> fight me on twt @URIKKIRIE pls i need noisy notifs


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